I came home and went back to bed, but I never managed to get back to sleep. Miss Darden, from the PRRC called me to find out how I was doing a month past graduation. I told her about Jack, and that I was worried the guy might try to sue. She gave me a number for legal aid which will work with you depending on your income. I think we have lawyers we've paid for through Kevin's work, though, which we've already paid for if we need them. Miss Darden said she'd call me again closer to graduation day to see if I wanted to be in the ceremony, but she's done calling me for check ins. I can call her if I need her though, and she made sure I had her extension. I can also call them if I want tickets to something they may be able to get them. I almost missed her call. I saw that the VA hospital had called me, but I assumed it was a reminder for my Thursday appointment. Well, then I got the reminder call for the Thursday appointment, and thought it weird that they would call me twice, so I checked my voicemail, and was pleased that it was Miss Darden.
I rolled out of bed again at noon since I decided I'd eat lunch before golf. I ate a peanut butter sandwich and cried when I got jelly on my computer, and no one immediately shoved his head in there to eat the leftover jelly. Then I went to golf, where I hit approximately 25 shots on the driving range, almost all of them rolling pathetically along the ground and not going up in the air at all. This was a special day at golf because Hines Ward, a super bowl MVP for the Steelers, was there. He works for CNN now, and the head people from CNN all picked a charity to spotlight on the channel between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Well Hines picked BlazeSports, so he was out there today playing golf with us. Because of this after an hour we moved onto the course. Kevin the instructor (as opposed to my Kevin) went with me, and picked all my clubs and helped me track the balls (I kind of lose them in the sky and can't remember where they fell...). I hit my first shot 100 yards, which, yanno, is 75 yards longer than I've ever hit anything before, but after that I was just hitting balls rolling along the ground again. But here's a picture of me with Hines Ward.
Anyway, it was a lot of fun to actually play golf instead of just staying on the driving range. And the area we were playing in was very pretty, although they had lost over 100 trees in the recent tropical storm we had. We only played 3 holes, and then we went in for dinner. We had sandwiches and potato salad (and salad, but with caesar dressing so I couldn't eat any).
I came home and spent some time with Kevin. Rogue REALLY likes the borg cube she got from this month's loot pets. Like, we were squeaking that plus her previous favorite toy, and she was picking the borg cube every time. She also woke me up with it a few times, which normally she doesn't do that with toys. So I guess I'm glad I didn't give it to Jack to destroy, but I feel kind of guilty that I didn't give him any kind of a toy. Then I kind of kidnapped Rogue and locked her in my office with me. The cats are in here too. Aaron is curled up in Jack's usual spot, but Aggie is hiding in the closet. She did spend some time against my chest though.
I think I've made two decisions that might help my sanity. First is that I'm going to intentionally write 0 words in October. Hopefully that will get me over my burn out and I'll be able to start November strong and spit out a novel for NaNo. The other decision is that in November I'm going to count every word I write - even words in this blog, even though they aren't fiction. I just... I don't think my brain will let me push on in any other way. At any rate, I'm still planning to go to write ins on Tuesday and Thursday nights in October, I just don't plan to write. I'll have my laptop and internet connection, so I mean, I can do other things on the internet while I talk to people at the write ins. Maybe I'll start counting blog posts already in my word counts.
I looked at the weather report in order to make the title of this post and found that it is still supposed to be over 90F on Wednesday when I was supposed to go to the zoo and work as a greeter. I decided to cancel that, and sign up for a shift in October when it will be in the 70s. We're supposed to start getting more seasonable weather on Sunday (hey that's my birthday!). That means high 70s, and still not sweatshirt weather, but at least it won't be 90 out anymore. I also signed up for a shift at the aquarium on the day of Red Tower, which I guess means I'm not going to that, but I was kind of leaning towards not going anyway. They're not having any classes. I guess this means my next event is Jour D' Amour in February. I'm alright with that. I don't need to go to a million SCA events anymore. Honestly, the meetings are more fun, and archery practice lets me shoot things monthly, which really if I wanted to shoot more often than that, I'd go to Sol Haven's archery practice, or I'd go shoot archery with BlazeSports every week. Clearly, I don't want to that badly. Although honestly, I may ask Bill if there is teaching at archery, because if I could get someone to watch me shoot and tell me "this is what you're doing wrong," that would be kind of good and I might consider waking up early for that, at least a few times.
Speaking of BlazeSports, swim team is this Saturday, which, I'm sure the Jews on my list are already seeing the problem - it's Yom Kippur and since I skipped out on Rosh Hashanah, I really feel like I ought to go. Also I signed up to go to the break the fast after services. Because I can't make it this month, and didn't make it last month, I cleared out my schedule for next month, which meant cancelling an aquarium shift (which is why I added the one on Red Tower - I need to be going twice a month to get my guest pass next year). I need to be doing a better job of getting hours at the zoo, too, but honestly, it's hot, and I don't have khaki shorts.
I got an email today that my 3rd volunteer gig, the reading to an elementary school student, is set to start on October 3rd. So hopefully that will go better this year. That seems kind of last minute to be telling me about it, but I guess it is what it is. They still haven't told me what time I need to show up. I'm hoping for some time in the afternoon, because my poor little brain.
Sunday is my birthday, and that means talking to my aunt and trying to convince her just to get me amazon gift cards, while she comes up with a million things I absolutely do not want and says, "what about this? what about that?" I think we finally settled on socks. Hopefully she doesn't find a way to fuck that up, but she was already trying to convince me on socks that stop at the ankles pretty hard, which I will never wear because I hate socks that stop at the ankles. Honestly, I appreciate that she wants to buy me a present, but I don't understand what her thing is against buying me what I ask for? My parents make things easier. I send them a link, and they order it. My sister will get me an amazon gift card. That's all the presents I expect.
I've been listening to the radio to try to find a song to add to my collection on the first (I always add a song to my collection on the first of every month. It keeps me up to date with modern music and stops me from getting too bored with the music I have). Unfortunately, I really don't hear anything new and clever this month. Does anyone have any suggestions? (Send youtube links!) I like pop, hate rap, and really hate rap in my pop. Some favorites include Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Pink, and Lady Gaga. I particularly like listening to songs with a good message.
I miss my puppy.
Kevin is busy writing negative reviews of his employer. I wish I thought they'd get him fired.
I'm fighting off panic at the price tag, and anger that the animal control agent said he clearly wasn't bitten but there's still nothing they can do and anger that he is slandering my dog (but my dog probably does not have legal standing in a court to sue him - which Kevin won't let me consider doing anyway). And desperate sadness because my dog is going to be locked away with no one to love him, and he's not going to understand why he doesn't have even his sister with him for the first time in his life. And I'm afraid if he's in quarantine they won't be able to let him go outside throughout the day. And basically, my poor dog, who did nothing but try to make a friend he thought was playing with him.
Otherwise, I was supposed to go to the zoo today for gorilla day, to do arts and crafts activities with kids. I emailed two people to ask where to meet and neither of them got back to me, so I didn't go. I did wake up to check my email on time to have gone, but I didn't go. I'm really annoyed about this because it means I either need to spend more time in flamingo plaza as a greeter, or I have to find other events to sign up for. I should probably look in next month to see when these events might be. Yeah now I'm signed up for something called "Boo at the Zoo" on the 21st. If I don't get enough hours by then, I'll finish up then. It's by the orangutans which I actually know something about having studied them as an anthro major in college.
I don't remember if I mentioned this here or not, but 23andMe is doing a study of people who have been treated for either depression or bipolar disorder, and in exchange for your DNA they'll send you a free ancestry and health report. So I mailed off a vial of my spit to help with that study and find out whether I should be chasing this Polish guy or the English guy on ancestry.com. There are also rumors in my mother's family of some Native American ancestry, which it will be interesting to find out of that is true or not. If you've been treated for bipolar disorder, you can click here to get in on the same deal I did - but time is running out. The depression study is already closed.
I opened a loot pets box today to see if I'd get some kind of a toy I could send with Jack to quarantine, but Kevin wound up really liking the toy inside it (which was a borg cube), so we gave it to Rogue, who will not destroy it instead of Jack, who will.
AGE: 28 (29 on October 3rd though)
INTERESTS & HOBBIES: Tom Hiddleston, Pokemon, All Time Low, 5 Seconds of Summer, Simple Plan, visual kei/J-rock, oldies music, writing, fangirling.
LOOKING FOR: Nothing special. I don't really mind because I'm accepting of everyone. :3
ANYTHING ELSE?: I lost the account info for my old DW. I think it was AdorbzFangirl or something. But yeah. I figured it was better just to start over. Keep in mind too, that I won't be very active. I'm pretty much limited to my dad's computer (on occasion) to my iPad Pro. My laptop stopped functioning properly, and if Apple can't fix it... it may be a while before I can get another one. :|
Oh! I forgot to mention that I'm autistic. There's a good chance I won't reply to other people's journals. It puts a lot of pressure on me and my social skills. I'll do my best to post on yours, but I expect the same in return. :3
INTERESTS & HOBBIES: Hiking, Travel, Singing, Car Repair, GIS, Sarcasm, Marshmallow Childfree, Silliness, Gardening, Lib'rul Laziness, Sailing, Local community building/environmental action, Good beer
LOOKING FOR: Fellow oldies. Comment wars, oblivion to fanfic/dom (sorry, I ain't got the time), global outlook, people who might laugh at my jokes when I bother to post without judging me for not bothering to post a ton, your candid reviews of lifehacks, well-constructed enthusing or rants, cat photos, non-comic book and movie recs, engagement in life on this ball o' dirt.
ANYTHING ELSE?: I'm working on recognizing my ingrained NWL flaws in the current moment. I'm cishet chicky, and I enjoy hearing most points of view.
Astrid May for a girl, I don't know about a boy. Kevin likes the name Astrid, and I do too, but it's really his choice. May is my middle name, my mother's middle name, my grandmother's middle name, and my great-grandmother's middle name. So it's really important to me to keep that.
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There were stations to get wine, beer, and food all over the zoo. I wound up getting one cup of sparkling mango wine, and then eating the food. It was good. I couldn't eat two of the things because they had seafood, but I got some steak, and a piece of a taco and some donuts. I discovered that it's impossible to see the gorillas with wheels - there just isn't a ramp onto the observation platform. So that made me sad, especially as there was someone with a microphone talking about gorillas up there, and I would have liked to listen.
I wound up watching the elephants for a long time, and the sun bears, and the pandas. The sunbears were clearly distressed that it was past time for them to be off exhibit and behind the scenes doing whatever they do there. They were pacing in front of the exit to their exhibit and occasionally jumping up on it like "let me in!" I kind of understand - it was 90F and they're black bears. But they're from Malaysia, certainly they should be used to hot weather? The tortoises were off exhibit with a sign that said "even Atlanta can be cold to a tropical animal. Check us out starting in late spring" - did I mention it was 90F out? Certainly that's not too cold for anything that has an outdoor enclosure in Atlanta?
I started driving home, and Kevin called to tell me he'd ordered me dinner from someplace we'd never eaten at before. So, I came home to dinner, and when I answered the door, the dog ran past me, and jumped on the guy with the food. He started jumping and screaming, which of course makes the dogs think he wants to play, so they're jumping and barking too. I collect my dogs and my food, and start to close the door and he's out there with his pants leg pulled up yelling "ma'am, ma'am!" so I peek out the door and he says "do you have the peppers?" I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about and he keeps gesturing to his leg asking for peppers. I finally say, "I have no idea what you want," and he says, "fine then I'll call the cops!" Since there was not a mark on his leg anywhere, and I have no idea why he wants peppers unless maybe he wants me to pepper spray my dogs, I tell him, "you do that then," and kick the door closed. Why do people who are afraid of dogs take jobs as delivery drivers? Honestly, get a job as a cook or something where you don't have to interact with people or dogs if you're afraid of dogs. Anyway, I'm seriously stressed out because I don't want him to report my dogs to the police.
I don't recall ever having a crush on anyone I knew in person, because I seem to have always recognized that that way lay sex, and I wasn't interested. I did have a celebrity crush on Jonathan Brandis, and his character Lucas Wolenczak from seaQuest DSV, which was probably my first and only crush in a way that you'd actually think of as a crush.
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Stop one was my therapist's office. Traffic made me a little late, but since it was apparently a 60 minute appointment instead of my usual 30 minutes, that was fine. We talked about goals, and talked about writer's block. She basically wanted me to look at what I have accomplished instead of what I haven't accomplished.
I came home and talked to Kevin for half an hour before heading out to my father's house. I got to my father's house a little early and he was in the shower, so I entertained myself with his dog until he was ready to go. Tonight's adventure was the Temptations and 4 Tops concert. Of course it's more like Temptation and 4 Top because only one man survives from each group, and they've filled their ranks with younger men. I thought the concert was alright, but the 4 Tops for some reason were singing everyone else's songs. I mean, I know you could fill an hour with 4 Tops hits, but for some reason they played Mack the Knife, and My Way and several other songs that I didn't even know that weren't their songs. My dad was pretty disappointed, and he wasn't alone - people were leaving the concert in droves. Our entire aisle emptied out before the end of the concert.
I got home at midnight, and talked to Kevin for an hour since the dogs woke him up barking when I walked in the door. I immediately took my meds, as I had forgotten both at lunch and dinner (since I never ate dinner), and I was starting to go into withdrawals. I'm still clenching my jaw and pretty uncomfortable, though it's starting to get better.
Kevin called at 11 and said he was done with work for the day because he has to work Saturday. Then when I woke up at 2 he still wasn't home. Apparently he called Brian and wound up going out to lunch with him, and decided I wouldn't know because I'd be at tmeple, so he didn't tell me he wasn't coming straight home, and I was very nervous by the time he came home. Now he has two days of working from home, plus he gets to get off early on Friday (next Friday I think not this Friday), to make up for the hours he did work today.
We talked a little bit, then I went to Panera to meet Tia and Klepto. I wrote over 1000 words on my Star Trek short stories, and then started reading DW for about half an hour because my brain was just not having any of it. My brain had better get over this not having any of it by November because I'm relying on a successful NaNoWriMo to finish my goals for the year. I think it'll be better when I have a novel I'm writing instead of the short stories. I hope.
Came home, read LJ, read my bat mitzvah portion over again - the first half of it came easier, the second half came harder for some reason, even though I know most of the words in the second half of it. Read my Bible, and generally prepared for the end of the day.
Anyway, Shanah Tova to the Jews, and Happy Mabon to the pagans, happy Friday to the rest of you.
happy fall multifandom friending meme!
As much as I thought it might not, time is starting to assume its normal course. The days are starting to be the length that I expect them to be, not stretching out in front of me like a desert I didn’t bring enough water to get across. For a while there I had to be so busy just to fill those days up. Walking, riding, swimming, cleaning, organizing… if I stopped too long and tried to do something like write or knit then I had too many of those pesky feelings all at once and had to clean out another damn closet. Now I’m mostly okay as long as I don’t think about how Thanksgiving is in two and a half weeks and I really don’t know how to manage that holiday if I can’t have it with my mother and where do we have dinner now for all the holidays and really I’m going to have to move because my dining room can’t hold everyone and… see. There it goes. I’ll worry about that next week when it might not result in having to clean all the grout in the house with an old toothbrush after jogging 3km.
The point, before I started worrying again, was that things are okay enough now (oh man who is going to make the pies) that as long as I stay sorted, I can knit, and it feels like it helps a lot, and what’s really interesting is that this idea, that once the shock passes, that knitting is going to be a really useful way through grief… It’s not just me who thinks it. My inbox (thank you, thank you, thank you for the wonderful notes and letters and thoughts, I am reading them all, even if I can’t answer) is chock full (okay there are five) people who have written to me not just to suggest that knitting would be helpful (because there are a lot more than five of you who think that) but to call the kind of knitting they think would be helpful “Grief Knitting.” These charming knitters have even gone so far as to cite the specific projects that they think would be the most helpful, and you know what’s interesting? They have a lot in common.
All the projects are challenging – challenging from the perspective of that particular knitter, for sure, but challenging none the less. They were kinda tricky for the knitter to complete, and they took up some of that scary mental energy that comes with grief. (Oh no mum always makes the turnips too.) All the projects are things that sparked a tremendous amount of joy and pride – the knitters think what they made was beautiful, and feel that they did a good job… and finally (here’s where it gets weird.) All of the projects but for one, were for babies.
Think about that. It’s a pretty compelling bit of information, and it makes me feel better that the two things I’ve knit since my mum died are both tiny things. First the little hat, and now Elliot is bedecked in a matching sweater.
It’s beautiful to be sure – the yarn is Northampton, but with a bit of a twist. It was the natural colour, but I gave it to Judith to dye at the last Strung Along retreat, and it went for a swim in her indigo pot. It’s a beautiful blue now, and reminds me of her when I look at it, which is really quite nice, and it suits Elliot pretty well.
The pattern is Gus, and here’s where it didn’t quite fit the bill to be Grief Knitting, it was pretty easy. The pattern’s well written – so I didn’t struggle with anything at all. I’ll have to try something from a less competent designer next.
I tell you this, even unfinished (which it technically is, I’m waiting for the buttons) it does spark a tremendous amount of Joy. Part of it is that little face, and the other part? It is the pockets. I can’t tell you how much I love pockets on a baby sweater. It gives me an unreasonable amount of happiness to think of two perfect, tiny pockets, in a proper, handy spot… all for someone who has absolutely nothing to put in them.
Go to 30 meetings - Went to a dance practice tonight
Post 100 situations prompts to AO3 - Another one is posted.
Fill a second 100 situations with a different fandom - Wrote 2 more prompts
Learn 30 new things through wikipedia - I learned about Brezhnev's legacy.
Take golf lessons - one more week in the books.
Listen to 90 other podcasts - I listened to an episode of Backstory on myths and legends in American history.
Read the entire Bible - Still in 2 Kings
Also, I really want to know what the receptionist's job is there though because when I asked him to check me in he's like "check in at the automatic kiosk" and when I asked him to check me out he's like "check out is around the corner" So what the fuck is your job dude? You're working awfully hard at not working there.
If I had had brains, I would have brought my laptop and went to a coffee shop, but I don't have brains so I came all the way home, and sat online for an hour then talked to Kevin for an hour, then went back to Decatur to go to the SCA meeting. There was a business meeting at the beginning of the meeting, where we talked about upcoming events, most of which I am not going to. I don't think I'm going to any more events this year, actually. I may change my mind and go to Red Tower in 2 weeks, but they aren't having any classes, and I don't think I can shoot long enough to make that a whole day activity. So, I don't really know what I'd do with myself.
After the meeting we had some dancing. I danced with Ximon, and Justina danced with the dance Mistress, but I don't remember her name. Also this cute little 3 year old girl danced with Justina and they were adorable. The list of dances for 4 people is small, and I think we did most of them.
Then we went out to dinner at Imperial, where I had a burger and Mac and Cheese. Never again with that mac and cheese. The top was burned, and I made the mistake of stirring it so the burned pieces mixed in with the good pieces, and it was just disgusting. I picked at Deborah's french fries, which were better. We talked about travel, and the military, and I'm not really a fan of discussing the military. It's a thing that happened, and I'm glad it did, but I'd rather not talk about it. They were talking about family members who refused to talk about military service though, and I was like "sounds about right!" For what it's worth, my grandfather, who was a mine sweeper in north Africa never spoke about it either. Until he got Alzheimer's and thought he was living it.
L'Shanah Tova, y'all.
The Mathews Men: Seven Brothers and the War Against Hitler's U-boats by William Gerouxby - I don't understand why this book was called seven brothers, Mathews is a county, not a family, and the book was about a much larger segment of society than seven brothers. Nonetheless, it was a fascinating look at a mostly forgotten part of WWII, and men who had a higher mortality rate than every military branch except the marines.
What are you reading?
One Way or Another by Annette Laing - No progress this week
The Jews of Khazaria by Kevin Alan Brook - I wonder if part of the reason we have so little information about these people is that they competed with the Russians, and eventually, the Russians won? I'm only 28% of the way through this book, which is surprising because he never references the idea that he'll introduce more evidence after chapter 8 and I'm already on chapter 6.
2 Kings - There's a lot of murder and death going on. I think it's succession wars?
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink - This book is more oriented towards businesses than I was expecting. It's still interesting, because it talks about ways to motivate people and stuff, but I am not the intended audience.